A Life Before This Life.

Olivia:

Sometimes it's weird to look back at what my life used to be before this amazing relationship. I have learned so much and realized so much. I feel like I have a totally new outlook on life now, a much more positive one.

It's hard to think about what I was like before Dylan, depending on how far I look back. Because, as I recall, I also changed a bit in eighth grade. Some things I didn't learn until near the end. Before Dylan, I know I wasn't even close to as happy as I am now, which, I guess is normal. Most girls are "extremely happy" when they get a new boyfriend. Yes, I was happy. But I had a feeling of completion. I felt whole. I felt that I was where I needed to be.

Almost all of eight grade year I had remained boyfriendless. I was so paranoid. It was my first year in a public school, which can definitly effect a girl. In private school, I had a few boyfriends in 7th grade. Now that I think about it, I'm like "I was so young!". But I do not regret any of them. I learned a lot. (Sounds terrible) They taught me about certain things to avoid.

At the end of eighth grade, I began dating this guy. It was a pretty bad mistake. His mouth was foul. We had totally different beliefs. He wasn't the guy with the cleanest background. But for some odd reason, I blocked it out. I dealt with it, and lied to myself. But in the back of my head, I knew there was no possible way he could be in my future. He ended up cutting off the relationship, leaving me ashamed and humiliated. I didn't like admitting the fact that I was once "his"... and it sucked.

The little remainder of the school year, I basically did the care free thing. I came to the realization that I do not need a guy. Also, attraction and politeness was not love. I could not just fall for every guy that was attractive who held the door open for me. That's rediculous. I was ashamed how codependent I had become, when it came to guys. So I decided to change.

I am not even sure what I thought of life, before camp or Dylan. To be honest, my thoughts on life change a little bit each day. That is how wisdom works. Those who don't have wisdom, just don't take the time to think about things.

I think, before Dylan, I was scared. I had no idea where my life was going. I was scared of the future. I don't want to say that I did not know who I was before Dylan came along. But I did find out what I was missing. I would go to bed thinking "something's missing...". I did not know what would come along to fill this emptiness that I had; I just knew that I was never going to be completely happy unless I was complete. But, it wasn't like I knew what it was. Maybe a role model, a new pet, a big house. I didn't know.

When I went to camp, I found it. It was a strong relationship with God, and falling in love. It's weird that it all happened in only a week. My life completely flipped within a matter of days. It hasn't been the same since then. I was finally complete. I say "finally", yet I was only 14 at the time. I should be so thankful. And I am. I like it. No, I love it.